Note of My Father

My father’s death is not something regrettable. I keep telling myself that we had done everything we could that we had no regret. My father’s friends, my friends, my family, I, had done the best we could do. Many people cared, they supported us, and did give hands on various things. And it made me realize thatwe are not alone, ever. If you’re in need, ask for help. You might not get it from everyone, but someone will help you.

I was shocked. I am someone who believes in superstition. I always have some certain feelings about things, whether it will go right or bad from the beginning. It’s not always true, but mostly they are. The first time I saw my father that time, I knew something was not right, that it would turn out worse.

I was shocked. I cried. I never see my father that weak before. I was so caught up with asking for help and discussing things with the doctors that I had no idea since when my father lost his consciousness. I was desperate. 

The surgery went well. But the impact was so great that the damage was beyond recovery. The only thing we could do was praying, prayed that miracle would come and save my father. I was worried and afraid, and even though I prayed and prayed, none of those really calmed myself. 

The second day, my father condition got worse. Every time we heard the explanation from the doctors, we always ended up losing our little faith. I saw my father, he got older quickly, his skin became saggy with some hyperpigmentation. I then changed my prayer, for him to fight the best he could there, and us to fight the best we could here, and let the best plan of God to take place. 

The next day, my father passed away. One other thing that reminded me not to regret things was because I was there, from the beginning till the end. I held his hand as his heart stopped beating. I was there.

My request was to take him home, back to his beloved alma mater. There we received lots of help and support. At first I always thought that my father was an ordinary man, ordinary doctor. He was. But, during the time at the funeral house, I realized that he was an ordinary man with extra kindness. That simple kindness he gave every time made everyone who came cried with this loss. So many people came and gave help, and it just showed how much my father was and is loved. 

My father ever told me, be nice, but never let people fool you or take you for granted. Be cautious, because not everyone is nice, but never let it stop you to do the kindness. And if you’re ever fooled, take it as a lesson, don’t hold grudge. Everything that’s meant to happen will do. 

Lastly, there is one thing that I keep thinking. I never properly show or tell my father how much I love him. My family is an awkward one that doesn’t really know how to show how much we care for each other. The first time I ever hold or kiss my father was when he was in ICU. I held his hand and kissed him every time I could, standing beside him, telling him stories, hoping he would wake up and give me reply. Whenever I held his hand, I always thought he would move a bit to squeeze mine back. Even though it never happen. 

And that’s another lesson learnt through this incident. If you ever love someone, you should show it. There’s nothing shameful for expressing your love. Even if it doesn’t lead you anywhere for now, it will, one day.

I’m really thankful for :

• dr. Adrian and the team from ED, especially Nurul and Ibnu, who swiftly helped my father during his critical period.
• dr. Meidy who helped me get in contact with prof. Eka so that my father could go on surgery safely. 
• dr. Linda who gave me suggestion and helped me decide things for my father. 
• dr. Alex and dr. Irene who helped my father by giving him the best facilities he could get in just short period of time.
• My friends, especially Adhitya and Evelyn who helped me take care of my father when he was in ED. And those two with Arden, who came to visit me and gave me lots of support.  Really big thanks for them. 
• My father’s friend from (and around) badge ’79 for giving us lots of support in various form. 
• Others who cannot be mentioned one by one. 

I’m sure my father was really happy to see so many people cared for him and his family. This is what he gets from being kind everyday in his life as much as possible. Therefore, be kind!